Thoughts on Forgiveness
On July 24, the driver who took Jonah Holland’s life, and nearly took my life, plead guilty to most of his charges. He will face sentencing in October 2023 and faces several years in prison for Felony DUI Vehicular Manslaughter, Felony DUI Maiming, and Misdemeanor DUI.
I believe Jeffery’s guilty plea is a big step in the direction toward healing our community, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Jonah’s 50th birthday would have been on July 23. Taking responsibility for his decisions was the best birthday present he could give her.
As we approach sentencing, I believe it’s important for us to remember: the harshest punishment is not always the most effective.
Many people remark to me sentiments like “no time in prison will ever be enough for what he did.” But I disagree wholeheartedly.
Jeffery’s crime is serious, and deserves a serious consequence. But he’s just a very young man who made very poor decisions.
It has taken me 9 months of self-work to arrive in a place where I no longer hold anger for Jeffery Brooks. I no longer judge him harshly for the mistakes that he made, because I was once young and prone to making poor choices. I have found forgiveness for Jeffery because I would never want to be diminished in the eyes of my community as the lowest denominator of my worst moments.
Jeffery violently ended the life of a friend, a mother, a beloved community member. He stole her future, caused her family great pain, and I believe he should be held accountable. But I also believe that he deserves mercy, and that he should be granted the opportunity to grow as a person and learn from his mistakes. My hope for Jeffery is that he is afforded every possible program to come out of this as a better person. In fact, That is my hope for every incarcerated person who wants for an opportunity to turn their life around.
We don’t need a justice system that punishes harshly, belittling and dehumanizing people. If we want our convicts to re-enter society and contribute positively, then we need to build a system that uplifts, and helps them to heal from their traumas, and develop the skill set to make better decisions. We should be teaching love, compassion, and understanding. We should be using language like redemption and forgiveness. We should be reaching forward with the arms of acceptance that we would wish for ourselves and our own children.
The yoga practice teaches us forgiveness through the concept of Aparigraha.
Aparigraha (अपरिग्रह): the vow of non-grasping, non-acquiring, and non-attachment, cultivating an acceptance of the present moment, relinquishing the need to exert control over what will happen in the future
A non-attachment practice teaches us that we should not cling to people, possessions, money, or even emotions. Anger is an exhausting emotion. It clouds the mind from seeing the perspectives of other people, and their emotional states. It creates an environment of disconnection - the antithesis of yoga, which means Union. Yoga teaches us that we should seek union of body, breath, mind, purpose and community. It teaches us to practice non-attachment with every breath, allowing the release of complete exhale, rather than the resistance of holding the breath. Yoga teaches us to seek connection with other people through the concepts of Seva (selfless service) and Sangha (community). It teaches us to cultivate compassion through others through Metta (loving kindness) meditation.
Yoga teaches us that our relationships matter, the way we think about and treat the people around us matters. And most importantly the ways in which we show up for our communities matter. The skills we develop through the yoga practice, like patience and resilience, are best used to serve our communities. If we want to live in a society that is safe and equitable and enriching for all people, then each and every one of us needs to examine the ways in which we contribute to that vision.
Are we showing up in positive ways, or are we clinging to notions of power, self-righteousness, and vengeance?
Those notions do not move the collective forward, and they isolate the Indvidual.
Forgiveness however, opens the heart to understanding the plight of all people. It cultivates loving kindness for our “enemies” and allows us to breathe fully into the truth of equanimity amongst all people.
I believe my purpose is to spread this message: We can experience terrible setbacks in our lives, while still retaining grace and dignity. We can recover from the darkest of moments, still holding true to our values. We can choose the ways in which we interact with others. We can find forgiveness and empathy for all people, even those who may not seem worthy.
In order to heal our communities, we must first find healing within ourselves. Forgiveness is the first step towards that healing.
With Love, Natalie
